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Aperture Labs T-Shirt

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 Product Description

Aperture Labs T-Shirt

Wow. There's like a million sites claiming to be Aperture Labs. None of them are really standing out, unless I can find one that actually delivers on the cake.

Portal is available on Steam. I recently signed up for a Steam account to play Left 4 Dead and Starcraft 2 with my best friend Dave (yes, we are both named Dave. We are Dave squared) and a few other guys. It's pretty cool, but the voice over IP kind of sucks. We have been (ab)using our free accounts from Free Conference Call to communicate. It works great.

I really doubt they thought nerds would be using their service to play co-opt video games, but there it is. I'm sure if they looked and realized that certain accounts were doing four hour conferences that run from 11pm until 3amthey might just realize that there is something amiss.

Anyway, I didn't play Portal and probably should, since I am made of nothing but free time. I have had enough people tell me that the cake is a lie to get the gist of it (ok, I did a bunch of research too). I also think the Portal Gun (Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device) looks pretty damned cool. I found some detailed instructions on how to make a Portal gun replica. I think I will do my Stormtrooper armor first.

I really should delete that last paragraph write something else. If there's one thing nerds have a sensitive nose for, it's posers who aren't cool enough to play the cool games, or be into the cool comic characters, or whatever. However, if there is one more thing that nerds have an even more sensitive nose for it's phonies, and I don't want to get caught in a cake.

It's a weird phenomenon that nerds, being members of a long oppressed and abused sub culture, still look for reasons to exclude people from their personal nerd niche. During the dark years that I worked in the skateboard industry there was a phrase that would come up among skateboard industry professionals when discussing skateboard consumers: "skaters are haters". Basically it means that the skaters can't feel cool unless they have someone else to point at and shoot hate rays out of their eyes at (or, sometimes, just rocks). It seems like nerds have a piece of that too. I go to gaming conventions and am more or less ostracized for being a miniature war gamer by all the RPG, CCG, and board game players. This is in spite of the fact that miniature war gamers are the pinnacle if gamer nerd evolution and the rest of them are more or less the ditch diggers of the gaming world.

I never said I wasn't subject to that phenomenon myself.

By the way, if you ever feel abused by skateboarders save up your AA batteries and throw them at them while they skate by. AA batteries are the perfect size to completely stop a skateboard wheel dead and send the skater onto his face. Even more hilarious results can be had if you take them to the local roller rink and drop them behind you as you skate around, but I don't have any beef with roller skaters so reserve them for skateboarders.

As long as I am expressing my bile at the skateboard industry (the only sport I have more animosity for is the surf industry, but I have talked about that on other shirts) check out this video of hilarious skateboard accident. I would also like to add that I don't have a problem with skateboards or skateboarding. Done right it is really cool. It is just skateboarders I have a problem with. They are mostly too-cool-for-school jerks.

Actually, that is only generally true. I have met some pro skateboarders who were among the coolest human beings on the planet, including one guy who is amazingly well known and named after a certain bird of prey. Super chill guy. Mostly they are huge jerks, however.

November 22nd, 2010


  • Black T shirt
  • Standard 18/1 thickness material
  • 100% cotton pre shrunk
  • Port & Company blank
  • Larger fit

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