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Venom of the Ninja T-Shirt

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Kung Fu Theater


 Product Description

Venom of the Ninja T-Shirt

I've got to work on my photography. This shirt is way cooler in real life than this image makes it look like. I am going to be setting up a new photo studio (cough cough dinning room cough cough) in a couple days and, once I get the 100,000 other projects done will be reshooting a bunch of the poorer images, including this one. I need to just clone myself.

Wow. I had a whole description planned out about how these shirts that I love don't sell at all and more or less suck, but my first Google search turned up the most amazing site ever: WatchKungFu.com. In addition to having a URL that is very similar to this one, it is a site wherein you can watch over 200 different Kung Fu movies. I have to agree with any site that starts off by listing Master of the Flying Guillotine as one of the greatest Kung Fu movies ever (it is). I have already bookmarked it, and next time I have some time free plan to watch The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (another great).

Anyway, I ordered these Kung Fu movie shirts simply because I love Kung Fu Theater. As a kid every Saturday I would go over to my best friend Corey's house and we would watch six hour strait of it. We would practice our Kung Fu by beating up his younger brothers. It was totally fun and cool.

I always found going to Corey's house kind of weird. His parents were divorced and he had a step dad, which back in the 70's and 80's was really weird. His step dad scared the crap out of me. He was serious and strict, although looking back on it with adult eyes I don't think he was really that bad. He used to pay me to water his plants when his family went on vacation. The thing he did that was cool was he built a huge game room downstairs to keep Corey and his two boys out of his hair, so once I made it downstairs Corey and I were free to go nuts.

I loved Corey's mom, who was sweet and cool and definitely my first experience with a MILF. Sorry, Corey, my old friend, but if you are reading this I used to have some serious fantasies about your mom.

Corey and I lost touch.  He dropped out of college about the same time I did but never made it back.  He worked with me at the medical lab for a while and finally enlisted in the navy, where he served on a nuclear submarine for a while.  I think he told me he got discharged after punching out a superior officer or something.  Last I heard he was living in the woods with his dad, making a living cutting firewood.  Life is weird.

Once in a while his real dad would come out, which was always fun.  His dad drove a red Corvette, which now I kind of see as a white trash Ferrari, but at age 10 was about the coolest car ever.  He was fun and cool to hang out with, which was something of a disquieting contrast to my own dad. 

Anyway, I still love Kung Fu movies. The martial arts are cool, and the stories are great. They are almost 100% about revenge, which is always good. The typical story is some loser gets his ass kicked by some evil guy. The evil guy usually kills off the losers family or something, but decides the guy is just too pathetic to even bother to kill. The loser runs out and joins the Shaolin temple and spend years (usually shown as a montage of great training sequences, although some, like the 36th Chamber, treat the training as the main focus of the movie) learning Kung Fu. Eventually he goes back and kills the evil warlord who kicked his ass, along with between 20-400 of his henchmen. Sometimes the hero dies at the end after accomplishing his goal, often while trying to save some innocent people.

I have at least three more Kung Fu t-shirts to eventually do, so I think I will save my discussion of the Chinese Communist political influence on the movie scripts for later.

If you have never watched any Kung Fu, then I pity you. While I almost always try to see foreign films subtitled, for some reason Kung Fu movies always work better with really bad dubbing. I honestly don't know why.


May 24th, 2011


  • Charcoal T shirt
  • Super Soft 30/1 thickness material
  • 100% cotton
  • Average fit
  • Officially Licensed

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