Ah, Homer. Who else can pull that look off and still pull in the ladies?
I think the secret of Homer and dressing to impress ladies is not the actual clothing you put on or how it looks, but the confidence that it imbibes you with. According to this article I found on dressing to impress ladies, the important thing is to maintain your style. If you style is tighty whities, bear claw slippers, and a coffee mug, that will work as long as you are confident in that outfit. Homer feels no shame, so I guess he can look hot in anything.
This actually says a lot about my favorite item of clothing, both personally and professionally, t-shirts. I have long felt that there is no occasion that does not have the a t-shirt that is appropriate. My cousin Seth wore a t-shirt to his sister's wedding and justified it by saying the t-shirt had a pocket. Brilliant.
On the other hand, this article I found on dressing to impress stresses the need to always look your best when you go out. I admit to not always ascribing to that, even though I totally agree with it. You never know when you will meet a super hot girl. I will give you an example of when I failed at this and it cost me.
I play Warhammer, a game that has maybe 10 women playing in in the USA (for some reason they get more women in Europe, especially Italy. I don't know why). I play every Thursday night at a game store in Oakland called Endgame. The store has no women. The game has no women. There are never any women hanging around unless it is the wife or girlfriend of one of the players. And yet, in this distaff desert, a few months ago I showed up to find a really cute, smart girl asking about Warhammer. I got to talk to her for a few minutes and she was super cool. Of course, this was one of the nights where I showed up wearing torn jeans, old t-shirt, and unkept hair and face. I looked like I had been wrestling with a rat king, and it cost me.
I suppose it would be fun for me to list some of the things men should never wear under any circumstances, at least as far as nerd and my personal taste goes:
Socks and sandals. If it's too cold for sandals, wear shoes jackass.
Denim jackets. I can't stress this one enough. Especially with denim jeans, and most especially two different colors of denim.
Saggy pants. If you are not actually in the hip hop community and are over the age of 15, don't do it. I don't want to see your boxers. Same with excessive bling.
Novelty ties. That fish or piano key necktie? I guarantee that there is someone who will want to strangle you with it by the end of the day. Trust me. The novelty lasts for about a micro second.
Jerseys. Unless you are actually playing the sport the jersey is for, don't do it. Especially don't wear jerseys for teams or sporting events that don't actually exist (Bud Bowl, for example).
Crocs. Ever time I see some guy wearing these I want to run them down with my car for being a lazy, stupid git.
Birkenstocks. Die, hippy scum.
October 13, 2011
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