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I thought the wizard promised you a brain.

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Ironic Humor
$15.95

 Product Description

I thought the wizard promised you a brain.

So it's Thanksgiving, and I decided since I am going to be nothing more than a consuming machine in about two hours I would maintain the semblance of productivity so as not to feel like a complete worthless slug and write a description.  This shirt speaks to me, as I seem to alternate between wondering what happened to the brains of the people around me and what happened to my own.

Of course, a true brain transplant is (so far) not possible, but if you need to (or are just in the mood for brain surgery) you can get a brain graft.  It is a treatment for Parkinson's disease.  It is still pretty experimental, and while I can't seem to find anything on it online I seem to recall hearing it sometimes involves using fetal rat brain tissue.  Sounds like the perfect opportunity for a freak lab accident where a human gains all the power and instincts of a rat.  Sign me up.

Oh, god this is weird.  According to this Wikipedia article a complete head transplant has been done successfully on dogs, monkeys and rats.  The subject is of course a quadriplegic afterward, but this gives me hope for my long term goal of becoming a brain in a jar attached to a computer.  Also, the question that comes to mind is of course if they tried grafting the head of a dog onto a monkey?  Monkey-dog would rule.  Is that a donkey or a mog?

One of the reasons I am familiar with brain grafts is I am a regular blood donor (my blood type, like my attitude, is B+ in case you were wondering).  One of the laundry list of questions they ask you is if you have ever had a brain graft.  That is one of the questions that, if answered yes, will permanently ban you from donating blood. 

You know, if I were a girl looking to meet a guy I would volunteer at a blood donation center.  All the guys there are generally healthy, with no STD's, and since one of the questions that will get your donation refused is "Are you male and have you ever had sex with another man even once?" all the guys who show up are either straight or deep, deep in the closet (or, perhaps, a habitual liar, but those types don't usually give of themselves).  Most of them have a generous spirit.  If you are super cute and want to volunteer at the San Francisco branch of the Blood Centers of the Pacific, let me know what days you are working and I'll schedule my donation for then. 

Of course, there was a time when I believed blood donation was a pyramid scheme orchestrated by Nosferatu, but the medication finally kicked in and I have replaced that particular paranoia with others, like the idea that the clowns are working to take over the world (if you don't believe it, just take a good look at our Congress). 

Anyway, donate blood.  It's a good thing.  What was this shirt about?  Oh yeah, brains.  I think it really funny that the wizard didn't actually give the Scarecrow a brain.  Just a diploma.  Goes to show what that piece of paper is actually worth.  I have never met a bigger bunch of dummies than the crowd I went to college with.  They might be good at memorizing worthless crap, but the majority of them couldn't find their ass with both hands.  Talk about a lack of common sense or world experience. 

OK, looks like I need to start helping with the food.  Have a great holiday, everyone.  Talk to you all soon.

Dave
November 24th, 2011

Features:

  • Navy T shirt
  • Standard 18/1 thickness material
  • 100% cotton pre shrunk
  • Average fit

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