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I Had Friends on that Deathstar T-shirt

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Star Wars
$20.95

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I love this shirt. Honestly, when you think about it, there were a lot of guys killed on the Deathstar. Sure, it was a massive implement of terror, but really is it any different from any navy's battleship used to shell a city? As bad ass as it was, there were a lot of human beings on board.

I guess my sympathies really side with the Empire, to be honest. Sure, the Emperor was a totalitarian dictator, but think about it. He created a system that maintained peace and order throughout the galaxy. When the Senate ran things at the beginning of the Phantom Menace you had all kinds of trouble with trade federations (of less than politically correct racial bents, in my opinion) blockading and attempting to conquer peaceful planets of populated by morons. You never saw any kind of trouble like that in Palpatine's Empire. And something cool that Palpatine did was give power to regional governors. In other words, he left local control to the locals and maintained a central power for the defense of the Empire. Honestly, I think we all kind of wish the Federal Government would mind their own business and let the state legislatures run things locally. Very forward thinking on his part, in my mind.

I guess I can't do this shirt without linking the classic Clerks Deathstar debate. I disagree with the contractor who says the workers should have opted out for political reasons. The fact is many innocent people are caught up in things like that. Maybe the owner of the contracting company could have not taken the job, but most of his employees really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Every person on the Deathstar had a family and friends somewhere.

When you think about it, the entire Rebellion was more or less motivated by a bunch of religious fanatics not happy with the side of the Force the Empire stood behind. Think about it. They were willing to throw away peace and order on thousands of planets in order to side with the Light Side. With the Emperor dead I am willing to bet a ton of wars between the regional governors broke out, causing mass destruction and mayhem across the galaxy.

Ha ha ha. I found this great video showing what kind of a-holes Jedi can be. Makes a lot of sense to me. The best part of this video is one of the Jedi is wearing the Brawndo t-shirt available in this very web site. We are almost out of the yellow ones, but have a good supply of the black ones.

You know, this t-shirt reminds me of a couple other beefs I have with the Return of the Jedi. Specifically, the space battle that allowed Lando Calrissian to blow up the second Death Star. Let's run through the sequence again. Admiral Akbar comes out of hyperspace in hopes of destroying a more or less helpless Deathstar. He discovers the Deathstar is active. Then he discovers there is a huge battle fleet, easily capably of destroying his entire fleet by itself, also closing in to put the hurt on. They get lucky with the help of some freaking Muppets and blow up the Deathstar. Next scene shows the celebration of the complete defeat of the Empire.

Hello? What happened to the Imperial fleet that was in the in the process of beating 12 kinds of crap out of the Rebel fleet? Do you have any idea how freaking hard it is to destroy even a single Star Destroyer, much less a fleet of them, not to mention an Executer class Star Dreadnought (the Super Star Destroyer), of which the imperials had several? This is especially difficult when your fleet seems to be comprised of half hospital ships. Also, wasn't the Deathstar blowing up a Rebel capital ship every 30 seconds or so? I mean really. Sure they blew up the Deathstar. Did the rest of the fleet crumble into dust like a bunch of sub-vampires when the head vampire is killed? In reality, the fleet commander should have seen the Deathstar blow up, immediately given himself a massive promotion, blown up the rest of the Rebels, and then turned the surface of Endor into the universes largest parking lot.

Also, Admiral Akbar, you fishy idiot, if you are going into a huge space battle why in the name of midi-chlorians would you bring the hospital ship and all the other non combat ship along. Really, when you think about it, space battles generally don't have a lot in the way of treatable injuries. Honestly, if instead of dedicating most of your fleet to protecting the hospital ship you had used it as an ablative shield for one of your combat ships I would have respected that a lot more. Or, if you had left it and all the other cargo ships and so on in orbit around some random planet on the other side of the galaxy I think that would have made more sense.

When you think about it, what qualifications did Admiral Akbar have to command that fleet? His only brilliant command moves was when he, in a blinding flash of hindsight, told everyone that it was a trap and then later when he opted to dedicate his strength defending an otherwise worthless ship while waiting for Lando and his friends luck out and blow up yet another Deathstar. I swear he is the reincarnation of the Titanic captain. Admiral Akbar, you suck.

Dave
December 23rd, 2010

Features:

  • Black T shirt
  • Standard 18/1 thickness material
  • 100% cotton
  • Larger fit
  • Officially Licensed

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