This shirt speaks to me and my life in a big way. Every time I see this I remember this time years ago at the movies. I used to have a serious Diet Coke habit
. I'm talking literally a gallon or two a day. My friends never saw me without a Super Big Gulp in my hand. Diet coke for breakfast, and right up until bed time. Any time was the right time for Diet Coke.
Anyway, I was at the movies with some friends and went to get my usual super tanker. Another friend wanted a drink, so I had one in each hand. As I headed across the bottom of the seats I tripped on one and fell down about three steps, all without spilling a drop from either hand. I got up and several dozen people from the audience gave me a round of applause, so I took a bow.
This, by the way, is the true sign of a Diet Coke addict. I was heavily into it during my years as a skater, and developed the ability to take a major fall without spilling. Actually, what I learned to do was throw expendable parts of my body down in order to not spill, which when you think about it is kind of dumb when I could get another drink for less than $2 and a new kneecap might cost a little more, but there it is.
This is always good. Here is yet another compilation of skating accidents
, yet more conclusive proof that we live in a decadent and anti-Darwin society
. You see, if our life weren't so easy and comfortable there is no way a sport that typically involves grievous bodily injury would ever develop. If our daily routine including wrestling with a Kodiak bear
in order to get a meal there would be no patience for idiots strapping wheels to planks in order to create a mode of transportation slightly more practical than a unicycle. The problem is due to our great medical services anyone with an inclination to ollie over a trashcan
and down a massive flight of stairs will, rather than dying young as any non-surviving genes should, actually live long enough to procreate, spawning the next generation of suicide drones.
If you qualify as one of those people so bored with life you need to risk it, I found a good article on how to become a stuntman
. It's from a site called the Art of Manliness, which I have referenced in the past. It seems pretty good and full of worthy information, although of course it is all relatively basic and elementary to a true manly man such as myself. The testosterone just oozes out of me and surrounds me with an aura of machismo the likes of which most of you, either being wimps or surrounded by wimps, have never seen.
That's it for now. I need to go back to watching Housewives of Beverly Hills
and enjoying my Apple-tini. Ciao!
February 8th, 2012