Ok, another Godzilla shirt. Thankfully I think this one is absolutely hilarious.
You know, I was hoping to find some stories about gigantic riots at rock concerts, but to be honest most of these sound kind of wimpy. I found a list of five rock concert riots
that sound flaccid at best. Sorry, but I have a hard time taking rioting Guns âÌ´ÌÝÌ´Ìán Roses
fans seriously. I was living near LA during the LA riots, and those were the real deal.
I'll probably get a visit from the local branch of the FBI for even looking this up, but I did a search on how to start a riot. The part that grinds my gears is none of the results did anything more than suck. I'll list the best of them just because I want to have something to show for ending up on some kind of watch list, but they all blow. Here you go: how to start a riot
Anyway, Godzilla does not need an angry mob to destroy a city. Back in the day I often played the game Rampage
, which apparently has been re-released for Wii. I don't own a Wii, and I really don't like games where I have to wave my arms around like an epileptic break dancer
If you have read more than a few of these descriptions you should know that I am pretty open about my life and there isn't much I am too embarrassed to tell you about. That being said, I am really hesitant and embarrassed to tell you that back in the 80's (home of so many bad decisions) I, like every other teenage moron, actually tried some break dancing. Fortunately I failed miserably at it and there was never any video tape to haunt me for life, but the memory still lingers like a particularly pungent fart
Back to Godzilla. I guess most of the internet and I have differing opinions as to what the words "funny Godzilla video" means. Here is a halfway decent one featuring Godzilla and Godzuki in a fatherhood commercial
. Most of the rest seem to be idiots playing with plastic toys like Robot Chicken
without the production values. YouTube you fail me again.
Sweet! That search for Robot Chicken has just got me the Adult Swim iPhone app. Just what I always wanted: something else to distract me from work. Now to catch up on Perfect Hair Forever
I jest. I try to not screw off during work hours. Adult Swim will have to wait until later tonight.
Godzilla was created by IshirÅÌ´åÌ´å Honda, who I guess later went out and invented the car(?). Damn my public education. What's weird is his original name, Gojira (åÌ´ÌÓÌ´Ì_çÌ´Ì¦¾ç¾Ì´Ìä), comes from two Japanese words that mean gorilla and whale. Originally he was conceived as a cross between a whale and a gorilla, which sounds like it would look pretty damned weird. I actually found some images of what a whale/gorilla would look like, but oddly enough they really creep me out and I don't want to put them on my site. Feel free to search yourself. Giant sea creatures give me a bad case of the creepy crawlies. I did find this article of famous sea monsters
and their origins which I am sure is very interesting, but didn't get much past the Zoidberg Messiah. Sorry but I am hear to write humorous content, not work on my deep seated psychological issues.
Thankfully most Godzilla movies portray him as being out of the water for all the best parts so I can enjoy them. Besides, is there anything in his body morphology that implies any kind of real aquatic ability? I am pretty sure most of the movies that show him in the water have him walking along the bottom. Also, if he were truly aquatic, how then could he breath fire? I know I am supposed to suspend some disbelief but really, it is nice when they try to make some kind of logical sense.
I know I am kind of all over the place on this description (even more so than most of my meandering work) but that reminds me of a group of friends of mine who went to a fire breathing academy. These are the same jackoffs who go to Burning Man every year to watch idiots burn old pianos and the like, so I guess it makes sense. Apparently it is one of the most dangerous things you can learn to do, so I highly recommend you never try to learn it. You know, I found a link to some fire breathing instructions and even went to the trouble to create the HTML to link it for you, but as I write this I realize I don't want the responsibility so I will refrain. Find it on your own if you feel the need, but really, don't do it.
March 4th, 2011