OK. I admit it. I thought up this design myself and had my friend Olga do the graphic. I have my issues with the hipster lifestyle.
Most of them actually are due to the fact that I feel an unnatural draw to it. It's like the Dark Side of the Force. You know it's there, you know it can make you really powerful really fast, but deep down inside you know it's wrong and will destroy you.
So hipsters. I guess the real issue is the fact that they will constantly tell you they were into something cool before it was cool, in spite of no evidence of that whatsoever. I think if you actually hired a private eye and and really investigated a couple of the average claims you would find that they actually heard about it from someone else at some point. Unless you actually invent something you had to hear of everything from someone.
I think the real pretension comes from the concept that they can tell when something is cool before it is cool. I mean, where is the cool line actually drawn? If you say you were into a band "before it was cool" then that implies that at some distinct point in time the band had to have crossed over from being uncool but cool to cool but uncool, right? So how is it hipsters can perceive this moment in time when all the rest of us cannot?
I guess it all boils down to hipsters, in spite of telling you that judging stuff is uncool, are the most judgmental, pretentious asses on the planet. They are constantly evaluating what you wear, say, do, or talk about with a level of intolerance for the lame that makes the Spanish Inquisition looks like the ACLU.
This actually begets the question, how does one tell if something is cool? Oddly enough, my old friend the internet has failed me in this. I can't find any kind of chart or article for coolness. I guess it is just such an ethereal matter than no one can really put a finger on what makes things cool. I would like to write my own, but I really can't answer it myself. I guess coolness is a matter of instinct more than anything else. Even trying to nail it down is not cool.
Ironically I can find a lot more one what is not cool. Thatsnotcool.com truly lives up to it's name. It's something to do with text messaging, and has a really lame cartoon about talking cell phones on the home page. The weird thing in my mind is that at some point someone wrote the script for the cartoon. Then someone else read it and said "Cool. Let's spend money getting this made." Some creative people were hired to do the actual work (which they probably hated. I'm seeing a lot of the money behind this going towards alcohol) and some desperate want to be actresses were hired to do the voice over work. A huge, long chain of bad decisions led to the creation of that intro cartoon.
Should I feel guilty? I just looked up hipster on the Urban Dictionary and got a completely different description from what I have in my mind. Words like "independent thinking", "creativity", "counter-culture", and "intelligence" gets bandied about while words like "pretentious" and "annoying" do not rear their ugly heads at all. I guess I don't have to, since the one true trademark of all hipsters is a complete resistance to being called hipster, so even if they read this description they can't be offended without admitting that they identify with that sub culture. Savor the irony with me for a moment.
I am proud to see the Mission District listed as one of the hotbeds of hipsterism on that description. I will say that it does have some of the best food in San Francisco (and if you have ever dined in San Francisco you know that is saying a lot). However, it is rife with hipsters and wannabe hipsters. You know, every year during Fleet Week the Blue Angels do an awesome air show over San Francisco. It really wouldn't be much of a detour for them to head down the the Mission and do a little carpet bombing. I'm just saying.
By the way, I was into the Blue Angels WAY before they became cool.
October 11th, 2011
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