Woof. As much as I love zombies and zombie movies, this is like the 20th shirt I have done and I am really just dry clicking at this point. And of course another vendor just showed me another 5 zombie shirts I want. Oh, well. Let's see what I can come up with on this one.

Ah, the gods of the internet have just smiled upon me. Here is a Zombie Proof video where some idiot makes zombie armor out of cardboard and bubble wrap. Good in concept, but poor in execution. Seems like a suit of chainmail might actually have some use, at least until you get buried under a huge pile of the living dead and they eventually gnaw a hole in the one crack in your armor. Also all that weight could really slow you down.

I saw a really funny/bad movie a few years ago called Zombie Squad (so good I couldn't find a clip on the internet from it). In the movie some local religious nuts decided zombies were some kind of religious thing and were to be protected. They would put catchers masks on the zombies so they couldn't bite the humans and let them wander around more or less harmlessly. The issue I had with this movie is the zombies were pretty much unkillable. There are certain tenants for zombie movies that are universally accepted, and the main one is you can kill a zombie by putting a bullet in their brain pan.

I think when the zombie apocalypse comes I am pretty well set. I live in an apartment that is easily secured. I think what I will do is take some rope, tie a cinder block to it, and drop it over and over again onto zombies from the roof. Should be able to kill a few every hour, at least until the rope gets wrapped around my leg and drags me over in a comedic manner (this is why you have to check your lines every time). I should be good until the massive three days worth of food I typically keep in my place runs out. Emergency supplies are for wimps.

Here are some instructions on how to fight a zombie. You would think this is the sort of thing they should have taught me back in the Boy Scouts. Instead we learned how to make a fire and how to not cut ourselves with our pocket knife. They didn't even teach us how to fight a bear, which I would imagine would be pretty relevant given the fact that we were hanging out in the woods fairly often.

You know, now that I think about it, they taught us some pretty weird bear related stuff in the Scouts. They told us to hang all our food from a tree on a rope in order to keep bears from getting into it. If I were a bear would I really be that put off by a bag of food hanging from a tree when there were any number of pup tents full of meat surrounding it?

Actually, if I were a bear I think I would put up with the whole "food hanging from a tree" frustration for about 30 seconds before I went on a murderous rampage and slaughtered everything bigger than a squirrel in sight. Some bears aren't satisfied by a simple picnic basket.

Also, if I were a bear during bear season I would climb up a tree (bears can climb trees easily, by the way) and drop onto hunters as they walked underneath. Hilarious.

I better force this description back onto the track. I found this highly interesting and absolutely truthful article on zombie bears (see how I made that awesome connection? If only they gave writing awards for product descriptions) from some weird site that I can't tell is for real or not. There seems to be a lot about he great bear conspiracy. Apparently the author believes bears to be godless, soulless killing machines and the root of all evil.

Now that I think about it, a zombie Yogi Bear costume for Halloween would be hilarious.