I, like any child of the 80's, loved the movie the Breakfast Club.  These days, however, I find I can't watch it more then every two years or so without it really grinding my gears.  Maybe it was my frustration at being so alienated from my classmates and dreaming of an episode like this in my life, only to have it never happen.  In my time in high school the cool kids and jocks stayed on their side of the quad while the nerds, misfits, and geeks all stayed in ours.  I spent most of my days dreaming of being able to destroy the school and most of it's denizens in a horribly violent and fantastic manner.  Either that or just be taken away to another planet where adventure, respect, and companionship could be mine.

I have done so many "my high school life sucked" t-shirt descriptions that I suppose it must be getting kind of old.  Instead, for this shirt, I will list the positive experiences and evens that came out of high school.  Let's see...

Kind of drawing a blank.  I supposed I can get into some of the minutia.  I managed to graduate.  I managed to get into a good college.  I didn't get anyone pregnant (or, for that matter, kiss anyone, so no chance of herpes.  See?  Finding the positive).  I was on our equivalent of the College Bowl and we won first in our district.  When I finally got the balls to ask out my high school dream woman and she shot me down like Darth Vader going after an X-wing fighter she was kind enough to not tell anyone else, saving me a lot of ridicule and embarrassment (as far as I know).  At the only dance I went to I was to afraid to talk to a girl and ask her to dance, thus sparing myself the pain of being known as the worst dancer in school.  I managed to not get eaten by anything while camping with the Boy Scouts, and was really only in serious danger of frostbite once.  I was so anti-social that I couldn't even become a teachers pet.  The night after my graduation ceremony I almost went to a party that I hadn't been invited to.

That seems to be it.  Oh, well.  I guess I should just stick to bitching about it.  

Holy smokes!  I think I just struck the worst search term in Google history.  If you search for the term "Breakfast Club spoof" and hit video the stuff you find is amazingly pathetic.  I've seen some lame stuff in my time as a t-shirt description writer/pop culture guru, but this is some of the worst.  There is a whole series called the Bed & Breakfast Club that truly sucks.  I guess it's symptomatic of a mental condition.  Like if you are a paranoid schizophrenic you tend to hear voices.  In this case if you are inclined to make spoof Breakfast Club videos your brain is wired to be absolutely terrible at it.  

The Breakfast Club was written and directed by John Hughes, who is considered a great writer and director, but looking at his filmography makes me understand how this movie can annoy me if I see it too often.  Ferris Bueller's Day Off (super popular high school kid with hot girlfriend skips school and has an amazing day running around the city while ruining the family life of his introverted and lonely best friend) was like sunbathing on an ant hill for me.  Home Alone (super cute precocious pre teen is home without supervision and foils local criminals without ending up dead in a ditch in spite of negligent parents) was another suck-fest.  Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty In Pink, and Sixteen Candles were all good in their own way but also bugged the hell out of me.  

I just reread that last sentence and realized I must have an issue with kids having fun and getting away with stuff.  I supposed it could be a reflection of my own childhood.  Something to bring to my therapist, I guess.  More to be had here, I am sure, but I don't think I want to dig too deep in this hole, if you know what I mean.

You know, I just looked over his entire filmography and can't find a single film I would consider truly a "great" except for Breakfast Club.  Most of it is pretty trivial and trite.  Honestly, if you want a high school movie that has merit see Better Off Dead in my opinion.  Great film, although in high school I don't remember the basketball team being the big jock heavies.

If you are actually a math fan you should check out Math Club, a site that seems to have chapters all over the world.  Very cool.

By the way, the irony of carrying this t-shirt in a girls fit when the math nerd in the movie was a guy who had a hard time even talking to girls is not lost on me.

Dave
January 26th, 2010